Dear Doctor Elephant,
I’m a little concerned about the ambulance service in my town. Whether you’ve fallen off your pony, eaten a whole house, or been bitten by a glowing, mooing cow, when you call an ambulance it arrives quickly, then runs over you several times. As you can guess, this tends to exacerbate the original problem, and some people are now a little leery of calling the ambulance to attend to their medical emergencies. I asked the driver about it, but he just kept smiling at me. Do you have any advice?
-Slowly Recovering in the Playroom, Sag Harbor, NY
Dear Slowly Recovering,
Whew! Your letter reminds me of the news reports from the violent, gender-segregated cities of Legoland! If you’re porcelain, or fragile, I would suggest getting out of town and moving upstairs- possibly to the top of the dresser if you can afford it. If you’re plastic, at least the ambulance can’t do you any lasting harm,
and I know a doctor who gives good shots that fix whatever’s wrong with you. (They’re so popular she wore out her needle and had to get her mom and dad to fix it!) Or try telling the ambulance driver that your insurance doesn’t cover getting run over!
Good luck,
Doctor Elephant
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